Mike's Weblog :: Mike Neir's Page

Ever since I started having relationship troubles with Jessica a month or so ago, the contemplation center of my brain (yah I made that up) has been on overdrive. Before we called it quits and while I was still in the dark about the origins of the situation, that contemplation was focused on the relationship - what I could have done wrong, possible reasons Jessica was being so distant, where I may have fell short. The latter list got uncomfortably long, actually. I couldn't stop thinking about the situation, day or night. I was useless at work, miserable at home, and couldn't sleep for shit. It was terribly unhealthy for me.

Since we've broken up, I've still been contemplating things, but I'm trying to direct that contemplation inward. I've been trying to focus on ways that I can move forward and improve myself. I've realized a good number of things about myself that I'm not happy with and that I'd like to change. While pondering some of these things, it dawned on me that except for a scant few things, I've never really had any concrete goals in my life. Sure, there are things I want to do - some of them I do, some I don't. I've never really made any sort of outline for things that I want to accomplish, however. Because of this, I feel that I have just sort of coasted through life instead of really living it. That's something I want to change.

To help me accomplish this, I've decided to add a page here that lists the things I'd like to see come to fruition in my life. It's divided into general timeframes, each of which is sorted by importance. It's my hope that keeping this list out in the open will help keep my goals from being forgotten, and that it will help keep me honest. Right now it's just a list, but I've been considering adding in some functionality for stuff like tracking milestones, or the ability to create a link between content posts and goals to document my progress. That may come one day, but not tonight. I had to create pages to add and edit the goals, which is incredibly tedious for me, and has sapped my motivation to continue further... for now.

I just saw a commercial on TV that says children need to be in a car seat until they've reached the height of 4'9". That seems pretty tall to me... What about adults that are just short? Do they have to sit in a car seat too? What about the "little people"?

Eeek. Yet again I have gone too long without posting. I'm thinking of starting a new category of posts for the entries that start off by saying "yah, I haven't posted in a long time." There have been so many of them as of late that I really should do it.

The holidays were both happy and tiresome, as per usual. I had all kinds of difficulty getting presents for everyone. I struck out the first four times I went shopping, and I was pretty distraught. I was successful eventually, and Christmas turned out well. I got some good gifts, and everyone seemed to enjoy the gifts I got for them.

It feels strange to enter another new year. It feels like I just moved in here, yet, I've been here an entire year. I just finished my fourth year at Liquid Web in December, yet I can still remember the old days at Jet Drive as if they were yesterday. My ten-year high school reunion takes place this year. When did I get old? I think I missed it.

Inspired by some happenings at work, I've been playing with Xen a fair amount over the past few weeks. Xen is a virualization system that allows for one to run multiple operating systems on the same computer simultaneously. WIth hardware that supports it, the virtualization can be done at a hardware level, allowing for unmodified guest operating systems to be run (including Windows). Otherwise, modifications must be made to the kernel to all guests for Xen to function properly. This limits the guest operating systems to open source OSs, which doesn't bother me much since linux is my OS of choice. I've placed Xen on my server at work, and I'm going to use it to set up seperate OS environments for seperate services that don't need to access the same data on the server. While it will introduce a bit of overhead, it will allow for a more secure system overall. If one environment is somehow compromised, the intrusion will be limited to that environment only. All in all, it's a very neat system.

I'm not exactly sure why I'm posting this, but it seems like the right thing to do as I'm feeling rather contemplative at the moment, and can't seem to turn my brain off so I can sleep. Maybe this will help ease my mind. Earlier on I was having a conversation regarding work stuff with Jake, a former coworker and all around great guy, and conversation evolved to the follwoing topic. It's just one of those things that makes me think about the little choices we make, and how they affect others, whether we realize it or not. Maybe it'll make you think too.

Jake: its time for bed methinks.
Mike: shit, did I tell you about Dugald MacTavish?
Jake: name sounds familiar, but i dont think so.
Mike: I'll try to make it quick
Mike: he had a shared account of some sort
Mike: he was an old dude, late 70s or 80s
Mike: just trying to make his website go
Mike: he was the leader of a Scottish clan
Mike: didn't know dick about shit when it came to the internet or computers
Mike: but he knew it was the thing to do
Mike: not too long after I started, he wanted to set up a forum
Mike: didn't know how to do it
Mike: didn't know where to start
Mike: he called up, and asked
Mike: I gave him the general howto
Mike: cpanel had an installer for phpbb
Mike: told him how to use it
Mike: he thanked me, hung up
Mike: called back a while later, couldn't figure it out
Mike: asked if I would do it for him
Mike: I must have been feeling generous, so I did it
Mike: spent an hour installing it, telling him how to work things
Mike: and after that, he wouldn't talk to anyone else
Mike: he would call and ask for me
Mike: if I wasn't in, he'd ask when I was in and call then
Mike: there were more than a few occasions where he would call in at 4am when I was on midnights
Mike: just to talk to me
Mike: he'd ask his hosting questions, then ask how I was doing
Mike: he genuinely cared
Mike: then, probably right about the time you started, I found out he died
Mike: fell asleep in his easy chair one night watching TV, didn't wake up
Mike: the lady that was helping him called and told me
Mike: I shed tears man
Mike: one small act of kindness meant so much to him
Jake: i dont blame you. i liked developing a repore with customers like that.
Jake: it feels good to know that you're helping someone and they genuinely appreciate you for that.
Mike: yah
Jake: thats what i find fulfilling about this kind of wokr
Mike: he offered to send me a case of authentic scottish whiskey once, or scotch, can't remember exactly
Jake: oh wow!
Mike: apparently he had it shipped to him by the truckload because of his status as a clan leader
Mike: I didn't take him up on it
Mike: wish I had
Mike: at least to raise a glass of it in his memory

I just read the following article (via this article at Metal Underground), and I felt the need to post about it. The article is an interview wih Vinnie Paul Abbott, the brother of the late 'Dimebag' Darrel Abbott. I've covered Dimebag's murder before, so if you're unaware of what happened, feel free to read back and catch up. The interview covers a few disjoint topics, but the following is the part I would like to focus on.

Montreal Mirror: Do you have any particular memories of Dimebag that stick out in your mind?

Vinnie Paul: "There really are so many. I remember the last time I saw him. We used to have a code word, which was 'Van Halen,' and that just meant to let it all hang out and have a really good time, because we both thought VAN HALEN were just one of the most kick-ass bands ever. He was warming up on his guitar before our show like he always did, and putting chapstick on his lips like he always did before a show. I just went up to him and said, 'Van Halen,' and he looked over at me and said, 'Van fucking Halen,' and we high-fived each other. I didn't know it, but a minute and a half later I would never hear from him again."

I don't have a brother, but I've got a few close friends that I place in the honorary brother category. We also have our share of secret code words and phrases, so I know completely where Vinnie is coming from. It's when you know someone so well that you develop your own language, something that can convey a whole gamut of thoughts and experiences with a minimum of 'standard' communication. It's a special thing. I know I would be devastated if I lost one of my brothers, so I can imagine how Vinnie felt when Dime was taken from the world.

I guess the moral of the story is similar to one included in a previous post - something I've been thinking of lately. Cherish every moment you have with people that you consider special, because you never know what will happen, or when.

The title says it all. Most people probably had a relatively relaxing weekend due to the holiday, but I can't say that I did. The past week has oscillated between work and not-work. Saturday - not work. Sunday - work. Monday - not work. Tuesday - work. Wednesday - not work. Today - work. Tomorrow - work. This weekend - not work. Talk about a roller coaster.

On Saturday, my family celebrated my sister's birthday. The big 24. We enjoyed our customary birthday dinner at Outback Steakhouse, and all enjoyed our customary meals. It's kinda strange in a way, but the four of us always get the same thing every time we go there. We don't even need menus. We all get the bloomin' onion as an appetizer. Dad and I get the strip steak. Mom and Stacey get the Victoria fillet. Dad gets a caesar salad, the rest of us get house salads with ranch. I suppose it's because we only go there a couple times a year, and we've found something we like. I don't care really - their strip steak is awesome.

I did something Monday I wouldn't have predicted a week ago - I bought a Nintendo DS. A few guys at work have them, and they're pretty neat. If you're not familiar with them, they're essentially the fourth generation Nintendo portable video game system. I think it's the fourth, but I could be wrong. It has dual full-color screens (one normal, one touchscreen), built-in wireless for local or internet multiplayer action, and at least the horsepower of the Nintendo 64 in portable form. It can take both DS games and older Game Boy Advance games too. There's even a project to port Linux to it. I picked up the New Super Mario Brothers and Metroid Prime Hunters. They both came highly recommended by Jay and Dylan from work. I made a speed run and was able to beat Mario, but a good portion of the game is composed of secret levels and worlds, so it'll be a while before I beat it completely. Metroid seems like it will take a lot longer. The control scheme is a little strange, but I'm getting used to it. The games are pretty cheap, so I'll probably pick up another one once I get bored of the ones I have. The DS version of Mario Kart is probably high on the list. The N64 version of Mario Kart was a whole lot of fun, and the DS version allows for internet play as well, so you could race your friends from wherever you can get a wireless internet connection. Pretty cool.

Wednesday was a sad day, no two ways about it. It marked the funeral of a cousin, once removed. Regretably, I never got to know him, and judging by what I saw yesterday, it was my loss. Never have I seen so many people at a funeral. There were so many people that the church couldn't hold everyone. We couldn't see it because we were in it, but most estimates placed the precession at a half-mile long or more. He died late at night, on his way home from his girlfriends house. He fell asleep at the wheel, drifted across the road, and collided head-on with a truck. The whole situation just shows how fragile life can be, and how quickly it can be taken away. The lesson for me is not to take those that are close to me for granted. You never know when something horrible is going to happen.

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