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Dumbest abuse letter EVER. Saturday, August 27 2005, 10:42 AM Dear Network administrator, Recently, a [removed] customer suffered from an alleged behavior caused by a user on your network. I would appreciate it if you would determine which user was using that address at that time and take the appropriate disciplinary action. If I have addressed this to the wrong party, please forward this message to the appropriate contact. Thank you.
I'll look right into that alleged behavior from the user on that address once I figure out what the alleged behavior is and why I should give a damn. Perhaps the user is a highly attractive female, and her alleged behavior is giving away money. I'd like to investigate that. Otherwise, I don't give a shit.
Best email subject EVER. Thursday, August 25 2005, 8:20 AM SPAM TERRORISTS have hijacked your network using SPAM-Zombies!
Oh nos! At least they're not using brain eating spam zombies!
Ur != Your Thursday, July 14 2005, 3:12 PM Steven is my hero! person: Suddenly my Server Stop Working ? What Is The Proplem
steven: We have terminated the account. Please let me know if you have any further concerns regarding this matter. person: Why Do U Terminated My Server ? steven: Because we do not allow "Ur" fraudulent orders on our network.
YOU NEED THIS NOW Thursday, September 23 2004, 8:40 AM Wow, another great spam email that floated its way into our helpdesk. Check this one out... I've removed all references to their website, because these assholes don't need any more exposure than this. Antidote found in Crocodiles eprnxlrj@peoplepc.com eprnxlrj@peoplepc.com wrote at 2004-09-23 08:25:09 : Hello, We have an Alternative to DRUGS & ANTIBIOTICS. A Miracle Protein than can help people with serious diseases 'THE ANTIDOTE' Kills ALL known deadly Viruses & Bacteria in the body that keep diseases, namely: Influenza, SARS, Cancer, HIV etc. A disease must be made DORMANT to stop infection. 'The ANTIDOTE' is the answer. [lame ass website] WE ARE THE ONLY COMPANY IN THE WORLD WHO HAVE DEVELOPED AND ENHANCED THIS PRODUCT FOR SALE. Check Here For More Information [lame ass website] Regards Jacquelyn Rowell [lame ass website]
What they don't tell you is that THE ANTIDOTE also cures impotence, amnesia, speeding tickets, depression, car sickness, and hangovers. I hear it's also great for battling computer viruses too.
OMG OMG OMG Sunday, August 29 2004, 7:45 PM Holy Crap! The creator of winamp wants me to check out the attached zip file! It must be something totally sweet for winamp! Wheeee!!! Cool stuff here I come! justin@nullsoft.com wrote at 2004-08-29 18:55:17 : Please see the attached file for details. Attached File (application/octet-stream): application.zip
Sigh... stupid viruses...
More Spam Hilarity Wednesday, August 18 2004, 10:30 AM This came into the help desk system this morning, and it totally cracked us up. It probably wouldn't have shown up in a normal mail reader because the HTML attachment contained the actual spam, and this part was just in there to throw off the spam detection software. The sentence structure is "right", but the words are totally wrong, which is what makes it so funny. carpet tack toward hides, and waif behind pig pen derive perverse satisfaction from fruit cake over. Most cream puffs believe that defined by inferiority complex eat cough syrup about. For example, insurance agent for paper napkin indicates that girl scout defined by cab driver pee on related to photon. Theron, although somewhat soothed by cloud formation over and chessboard related to. Most alchemists believe that gonad beyond cargo bay bur toward warranty. But they need to remember how wisely for sheriff returns home.
Please sign your life away at the link below.... Tuesday, July 20 2004, 3:49 AM I just saw this image come into our help desk system at work... it was attached to one of those AOL/Ebay/whatever scams where they trick people into thinking that their billing information needs to be reentered or something of the like. After seeing this image, I have to wonder how stupid people are to fall for these scams? This photoshop work could have been better done by a jellyfish.
I've got some updates to make, but I've got to get some work done before I enter them. I just couldn't wait to post this one.
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