Friday, September 14 2007, 1:23 AM

Ever since I started having relationship troubles with Jessica a month or so ago, the contemplation center of my brain (yah I made that up) has been on overdrive. Before we called it quits and while I was still in the dark about the origins of the situation, that contemplation was focused on the relationship - what I could have done wrong, possible reasons Jessica was being so distant, where I may have fell short. The latter list got uncomfortably long, actually. I couldn't stop thinking about the situation, day or night. I was useless at work, miserable at home, and couldn't sleep for shit. It was terribly unhealthy for me.

Since we've broken up, I've still been contemplating things, but I'm trying to direct that contemplation inward. I've been trying to focus on ways that I can move forward and improve myself. I've realized a good number of things about myself that I'm not happy with and that I'd like to change. While pondering some of these things, it dawned on me that except for a scant few things, I've never really had any concrete goals in my life. Sure, there are things I want to do - some of them I do, some I don't. I've never really made any sort of outline for things that I want to accomplish, however. Because of this, I feel that I have just sort of coasted through life instead of really living it. That's something I want to change.

To help me accomplish this, I've decided to add a page here that lists the things I'd like to see come to fruition in my life. It's divided into general timeframes, each of which is sorted by importance. It's my hope that keeping this list out in the open will help keep my goals from being forgotten, and that it will help keep me honest. Right now it's just a list, but I've been considering adding in some functionality for stuff like tracking milestones, or the ability to create a link between content posts and goals to document my progress. That may come one day, but not tonight. I had to create pages to add and edit the goals, which is incredibly tedious for me, and has sapped my motivation to continue further... for now.

This is where I start moving forward.

contemplation goals relationships

Thursday, September 06 2007, 12:58 AM

I suppose I'm a bit overdue for a real post here. It's been a while since I posted anything of substance. Sure, I've posted updates on the TV saga (which still is not resolved), and the daily status updates, but I've been avoiding posting for the most part.

The last few weeks have been pretty difficult for me. Jessica, my girlfriend of nine months, and I had a rough two weeks. Most of it was caused by a lack of communication, and there were a few ugly episodes mixed in. This made things pretty hard on me, since I had no idea what was going on for quite a while. We've since had opportunity to discuss things, and we each know where the other stands. We decided to call it quits, and I believe its for the best in the long run. This belief has helped a lot, but I still have plenty of moments where I miss her and the way things were during the good times. I suppose that's to be expected.

So far we're still civil and have kept in touch, and I believe that we will continue as friends when the time is right. This is a good thing for me, because I harbor no hard feelings, and still care for her very much.

relationships

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