Mike's Weblog :: Mike Neir's Page

I don't really ever get sick of these... :) I get more laughs out of stupid virus emails than anyone ever should, really.

SPAM TERRORISTS have hijacked your network using SPAM-Zombies!

USAGCLS organization invites you to participate in the USA Green Card Lottery program where you may win Diversity Visa (Green Card) and legally live and work in the United States

Aplly now: http://[filtered]

Millions of US Visa Lottery applications are disqualified every year due to format and content errors. Allow us to professionally prepare your application for this year's Green Card Lottery

Free online test.

get more info: http://[filtered]

Wow!!! This is my chance to live and study in America! I can't wait! Maybe I'll even get to WORK in America and date an American woman! And raise rabbits! And own a Recreational Vehicle, and travel from state to state! I can do that right?

Spam is really annoying, but when I read some of it, it totally cracks me up. Most of the small amount of spam I get automatically gets picked off by SpamAssassin, and stuck into a seperate folder that I clean out now and again. Since I actually use a decent mail client running on linux, I don't really have much worry with getting infected with all the malicious crap floating around. You can tell most of these things are directed at the computer unsavvy, because anyone with half a clue on how the internet or computers work would just look at the email and laugh... like I'm doing! Let's start the show! Actually, now that I think about it, these are all virus emails, but some of the spam stuff is really funny. Anyway, here goes.

I got this first one at work the other night, and looking at the message TOTALLY made me want to open the attachment!

The total machine-language garble look always makes me want to read on! The next one cracked me up because it was trying to make it look like it was an offcial notice from my WEBMAIL SYSTEM at www.neir.org.

Well, there is no webmail system. And the link links to something in the attachment, which happens to be a nice .scr file, probably designed to do nasty things. The third might be the best though.

OMG! ON THE LAST FRONTIER OF FREEDOM YOU HAVE VISITED ILLEGAL WEBSITES!! I HAVE THE LIST AND UNCLE SAM WILL CHECK IT TWICE! I love the from email address... "abuse@gov.us". Classic.

These screenshots were brought to you by the following tip I found while searching for some documentation on Fluxbox shortcut keys. You'll need ImageMagick isntalled to use it, but this will give you the ability to take a screenshot in Fluxbox without needing to load anything else. This will make a nice png screenshot in the directory you specified, complete with a timestamp of when it was taken. Nifty stuff. Just put the following in your keys file and edit to your tastes, and you'll be set.

Control Print :ExecCommand import -window root `date +/dir/ss.%Y%m%d.%H%M%S.png`

Wow, another great spam email that floated its way into our helpdesk. Check this one out... I've removed all references to their website, because these assholes don't need any more exposure than this.

Antidote found in Crocodiles eprnxlrj@peoplepc.com eprnxlrj@peoplepc.com wrote at 2004-09-23 08:25:09 :
Hello,

We have an Alternative to DRUGS & ANTIBIOTICS. A Miracle Protein than can help people with serious diseases

'THE ANTIDOTE'

Kills ALL known deadly Viruses & Bacteria in the body that keep diseases, namely: Influenza, SARS, Cancer, HIV etc.

A disease must be made DORMANT to stop infection. 'The ANTIDOTE' is the answer.
[lame ass website]

WE ARE THE ONLY COMPANY IN THE WORLD WHO HAVE DEVELOPED AND ENHANCED THIS PRODUCT FOR SALE.

Check Here For More Information

[lame ass website]

Regards
Jacquelyn Rowell
[lame ass website]

What they don't tell you is that THE ANTIDOTE also cures impotence, amnesia, speeding tickets, depression, car sickness, and hangovers. I hear it's also great for battling computer viruses too.

Holy Crap! The creator of winamp wants me to check out the attached zip file! It must be something totally sweet for winamp! Wheeee!!! Cool stuff here I come!

justin@nullsoft.com wrote at 2004-08-29 18:55:17 :

Please see the attached file for details.

Attached File (application/octet-stream): application.zip

This came into the help desk system this morning, and it totally cracked us up. It probably wouldn't have shown up in a normal mail reader because the HTML attachment contained the actual spam, and this part was just in there to throw off the spam detection software. The sentence structure is "right", but the words are totally wrong, which is what makes it so funny.

carpet tack toward hides, and waif behind pig pen derive perverse satisfaction from fruit cake over. Most cream puffs believe that defined by inferiority complex eat cough syrup about. For example, insurance agent for paper napkin indicates that girl scout defined by cab driver pee on related to photon. Theron, although somewhat soothed by cloud formation over and chessboard related to. Most alchemists believe that gonad beyond cargo bay bur toward warranty. But they need to remember how wisely for sheriff returns home.

I just got this email, and thankfully it was caught as spam. I really can't understand what the point of this is.

Spam detection software, running on the system "stantz.neir.org", has
identified this incoming email as possible spam. The original message
has been attached to this so you can view it (if it isn't spam) or block
similar future email. If you have any questions, see
root@localhost for details.

Content preview: This is a multi-part message in MIME format The Magic
of Chinese Folk Art -Best Paper-cuts at WindowFlower.com ! What we
supply: We are one of the biggest arts providers based in China. We can
supply you with high-quality, artistic, and customized Chinese
paper-cut products. They are developed for all kinds of use in both
daily life and business. We will also meet any design challenge! [...]

Content analysis details: (22.8 points, 3.5 required)

pts rule name description
---- ---------------------- --------------------------------------------------
1.4 X_LIBRARY Message has X-Library header
2.8 MIME_BOUND_RKFINDY Spam tool pattern in MIME boundary (rfkindy)
0.2 EXCUSE_16 BODY: I wonder how many emails they sent in error
1.7 MARKETING_PARTNERS BODY: Claims you registered with a partner
1.1 RECEIVE_OFFER BODY: Receive a special offer
0.5 EXCUSE_19 BODY: Claims you opted-in or registered
0.2 OFFERS_ETC BODY: Stop the offers, coupons, discounts etc!
0.5 HTML_40_50 BODY: Message is 40% to 50% HTML
0.0 HTML_MESSAGE BODY: HTML included in message
0.7 HTML_TABLE_THICK_BORD BODY: HTML table has thick border
0.5 HTML_TITLE_EMPTY BODY: HTML title contains no text
0.1 HTML_EVENT_UNSAFE BODY: HTML contains unsafe auto-executing code
0.8 REMOVE_PAGE URI: URL of page called "remove"
0.0 MAILTO_TO_REMOVE URI: Includes a 'remove' email address
3.3 MSGID_FROM_MTA_SHORT Message-Id was added by a relay
2.0 RCVD_IN_BL_SPAMCOP_NET RBL: Received via a relay in bl.spamcop.net
[Blocked - see ]
1.3 RCVD_IN_SBL RBL: Received via a relay in Spamhaus Block List
[]
2.0 RCVD_IN_SORBS RBL: SORBS: sender is listed in SORBS
[211.157.36.9 listed in dnsbl.sorbs.net]
2.0 RCVD_IN_NJABL RBL: Received via a relay in dnsbl.njabl.org
[211.157.36.9 listed in dnsbl.njabl.org]
0.6 RCVD_IN_NJABL_SPAM RBL: NJABL: sender is confirmed spam source
[211.157.36.9 listed in dnsbl.njabl.org]
0.2 MIME_BOUND_NEXTPART Spam tool pattern in MIME boundary
0.8 PRIORITY_NO_NAME Message has priority setting, but no X-Mailer

The original message was not completely plain text, and may be unsafe to
open with some email clients; in particular, it may contain a virus,
or confirm that your address can receive spam. If you wish to view
it, it may be safer to save it to a file and open it with an editor.

------------=_4109325A.B36DA060
Content-Type: message/rfc822; x-spam-type=original
Content-Description: original message before SpamAssassin
Content-Disposition: attachment
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit

Return-Path:
X-Original-To: webmaster@neir.org
Delivered-To: webmaster@neir.org
Received: from sbapp3 (unknown [211.157.36.9]) by stantz.neir.org (Postfix)
with ESMTP id E189CE7567 for ; Thu, 29 Jul 2004
13:22:25 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Window Flower"
Subject: The Magic of Chinese Folk Art - Paper-cutting!
To: webmaster@neir.org
Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="=_NextPart_2rfkindysadvnqw3nerasdf";
MIME-Version: 1.0
Sender: Window Flower
Reply-To: "Window Flower"
Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2004 01:24:06 +0800
X-Priority: 3
X-Library: Indy 8.0.25
Message-Id: <20040729172225.E189CE7567@stantz.neir.org>

This is a multi-part message in MIME format

--=_NextPart_2rfkindysadvnqw3nerasdf
Content-Type: text/plain
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

The Magic of Chinese Folk Art -Best Paper-cuts at WindowFlower.com !=20
What we supply: We are one of the biggest arts providers based in China. We=
can supply you with high-quality, artistic, and customized Chinese paper-c=
ut products. They are developed for all kinds of use in both daily life and=
business. We will also meet any design challenge!

How you use them: Our paper-cuts can be used as fine gifts, business give-a=
ways, promotional items, Christmas ornaments, car mascots, house decoration=
s, wedding adornments, bookmarks, greeting cards, photo album colorings, ar=
ts collections, framed pictures, or for your resale.=20

Why are our paper-cuts different: --Exoticism:
All of our paper-cuts are handmade by folk experts in China, where paper-cu=
tting has been a traditional folk art dated back to 105 A.D.
--Quality:
The pictures are carved from special Chinese paper, and manually painted wi=
th bright Chinese ink. All products are acid free. --Feature:
The pictures are cut out inside as well as at the edges, and each motif is =
a perfectly unbroken piece. Therefore they are harmonious with many kinds o=
f background. You will marvel at how the delicate links connect the whole p=
icture together. =20

Add elegance and cultural touch to your life and business! -- WindowFlower.=
com !=20

You are receiving this email because you opted-in to receive special offers=
through a partner website. If you feel that you received this email in err=
or or do not wish to receive additional special offers, please input the fo=
llow url in ie.
http://www.seekercenter.net/remove.php?email=3Dwebmaster@neir.org

I wish spamassasin had a "Totally Fucking Stupid" rule... I would make it the most heavily weighted anti-spam rule on my server. And... if I really wanted a papercut, I'd use a nice American piece of paper, well versed in the ways of freedom. Who needs a communist papercut anyways? You cut your finger, and pretty soon it'll want to cut your whole hand. Laff.

I just saw this image come into our help desk system at work... it was attached to one of those AOL/Ebay/whatever scams where they trick people into thinking that their billing information needs to be reentered or something of the like. After seeing this image, I have to wonder how stupid people are to fall for these scams? This photoshop work could have been better done by a jellyfish.

I've got some updates to make, but I've got to get some work done before I enter them. I just couldn't wait to post this one.

Mike sent me this video clip from the Daily Show on Comedy Central, recorded a few weeks back. Very funny... The spammer guy on here is quite the genius... it's sad that we have to deal with this crap every day because of guys like this...

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