Going to war

The counter-strike has begun. The initial offensive ended in total defeat, so the insects must have been planning another offensive to capture my apartment. I’ve seen their spies – the earwigs and the spiders – but they never made it out alive. However, some word must have got through, as they invaded while my defenses were completely down… when I was at work. This time, they didn’t screw around. They sent in the yellow jackets, some of the fiercest fighters of the Michigan-area insect kingdom.

They made one critical strategic error though… even insects need to sleep. By the time I got home, the twenty or so invaders had gone to sleep on or about the doorwall frame. This gave me ample time to perform reconnaissance on their positions, and to gather my forces for a counter-offensive. I chose chemical weapons as my primary attack vector, followed up by a serated knife, with some hairspray as a close-range stun device. I added extra clothing so that I was covered from head to toe, just in case their sentinels spotted me and attacked.

They never knew what hit them. I quickly subdued the perimeter guards with the hairspray, and ended them with the knife. This left the majority of the insurgents completely defenseless in the face of my chemical weapons attack. Most of the yellow jackets were killed by pinpoint strikes, but the few that escaped the chemical weapons met their end in a flash of the blade.

After the battle was over, I identified their point of entry – a hole in the doorwall that leads to my balcony. I can only imagine that there is another hole on the outside that they were able to access. To prevent further attacks, I sprayed more of my chemical weapons into the hole, and plugged it with a wad of paper towel. Hopefully that is sufficient to stifle subsequent attempts, at least until old man winter has his way with the attackers.

Tomorrow I’ll report the invasion attempt to the apartment complex, so that they may deploy the appropriate countermeasures.

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